Susan Lucci wasn’t sure she could “go on” after the loss of her husband of more than five decades.
Helmut Huber, an Austrian-born TV producer and classically trained chef, died in 2022 at age 84, one month after suffering a stroke. In her new book, “La Lucci,” the “All My Children” star reflects on her grief and her journey to rebuild her life.
The actress, 79, told Fox News Digital she had struggled to find her footing alone for the first time since she was 22. She and Huber were married in 1969.
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“There’s talk of hope, and the only thing I hoped for was that he would come walking back through the door,” said Lucci. “And of course, that couldn’t happen — and it didn’t happen. But I didn’t know if I could navigate the world without him. I didn’t know if I could even stand up without him or put one foot in front of the other.”
“I didn’t think I could go on,” she admitted. “I was lost. This has been a whole journey. When Helmut passed away, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even remember what I was doing before then. I didn’t think about it. I didn’t care. I didn’t think I would even step foot on a stage or in front of a camera again.”
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Lucci married Huber after only eight months of dating, and together they raised two children — daughter Liza, 50, and son Andreas, 45. After Huber’s death, Lucci spent months in isolation, canceling public appearances — an unexpected turn for the actress best known for portraying the fearless Erica Kane.
“It was not like me at all,” she recalled. “But I couldn’t do it. I am shy, but I’ve never shied away from living life to the fullest. At that time, I really was lost. I have always been a happy person for as long as I can remember. How could I find that part of me again?”
Looking back, Lucci said faith was “the saving grace for me.” She turned to prayer during her days and nights of feeling hopeless.
“I didn’t realize faith would save me,” she said. “I had lunch with the fabulous Monsignor Jim Vlaun, who came to the hospital and said prayers with my son and me. He gave my husband his last rites. He officiated all of my husband’s services. He was always such a big, jolly presence, and I needed that. Looking back, I couldn’t believe that my husband wasn’t going to recover, that I had to say the word ‘funeral.’”
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“About eight weeks after the funeral, I asked Monsignor Vlaun to join me for lunch,” said Lucci. “He did. I asked him, ‘Do you really believe in the afterlife?’ And, of course, without batting an eyelash, he said, ‘Yes, of course I do. That’s God’s promise to us.’ And I said, ‘But what’s it like? Is Helmut going to turn into some sort of ether? Because all I want to do is put my arms around him.'”
“Monsignor Vlaun said, ‘You will be able to,’” said Lucci, fighting back tears. “‘That’s the promise. You will know them, and they shall know you.’”
“His words had an impression on me. And many of our conversations just made me trust in God. And I never wanted to thumb my nose at the gift of life. I realized that even though my husband was gone, I am still here. I was given this amazing gift of life. I prayed to God for guidance. I prayed that I did my best with this gift of life.”
In the midst of devastating loss, the star said she never became angry with God.
“That’s one of the steps that they tell you, that it’s part of grief,” she said. “I was not over the loss of my husband. But somehow, anger did not come in. I realized that it was God’s divine plan. It took me a while to realize that, but I wasn’t angry. I felt blessed that Helmut came into my life, and we built a wonderful life together.”
For the first time, Lucci began tackling things they once did together — like renovating their home — on her own. The project, while daunting, helped her realize she would be OK. She also found herself smiling and even laughing with friends again.
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“I remember I was having a conversation with a woman who seemed full of life and very joyful,” said Lucci. “But it came out during the course of the evening that she had lost her twin sister and, several years before, her baby daughter. How do you recover from losing your child? So I asked her, ‘You seemed so filled with joy. How do you do it? How have you gotten to this place?'”
“She said, ‘At a certain point, I just didn’t want to be sad all the time. So I chose to be happy,’” Lucci continued. “That made such an impression on me — that I even had a choice.”
Though it can still be painful, Lucci finds joy in remembering the life she shared with Huber — memories that have deepened her appreciation for the new chapter she’s building today.
“Helmut was very decisive about wanting to marry me, and very early on,” she laughed. “He wasn’t pressuring me. He was just trying to convince me in many ways. That was just one of the things I loved about him.”
“He was so decisive, so unafraid of putting his feelings out there and being authentic,” she shared. “He was always confident. I remember one night, my father said to my mother, ‘If Susan keeps seeing this man, he’s going to make her marry him.’ And it was just like that. I thought this was a good idea.”
“I thought he was wonderful,” she said. “I was falling in love with him. Then I was in love with him. But I fell even more deeply in love with him over the years we were married.”
Today, Lucci looks ahead with hope as she steps into the next chapter of her life.
“I’ve experienced love and loss, just like anyone else,” Lucci said. “These are very human experiences. I want to let people in on my story in the hope that they know they’re not alone. Sometimes, it helps to share your story — it connects us. I want to be part of that.”
When asked what she misses most about Huber, Lucci didn’t hesitate: “Everything.”
“I will always miss him,” she said, her voice breaking. “You don’t move on — you learn to move forward.”
