Charlie Sheen wasn’t expecting to endure a “sixth” stage of grief after receiving his HIV-positive diagnosis in 2011.
In his new memoir, “The Book of Sheen,” the award-winning actor admitted that despite his “shocking and depressing” status as a person living with HIV, he felt a sense of “relief” once he was diagnosed.
Sheen, 60, revealed on the “Today” show in 2015 that doctors had identified the virus in his blood four years prior, but he was only forced to publicly disclose his status after being blackmailed for millions of dollars.
The “Anger Management” star insisted he had never given HIV to any of his former sexual partners. “I do know for a fact that I never passed it on,” Sheen told People this week.
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The “Major League” actor wrote about his meager attempt to keep his wild, drug-fueled lifestyle private, but after 50-hours of “stabbing, nonstop clusters” of headaches combined with “delirious night sweats that redefined ‘waterbed'” forced him to seek medical attention.
“I had convinced myself if I did go, the malady they’d uncover would be that of grave consequence: brain cancer, spinal meningitis, a dying liver,” Sheen wrote. “They tapped my spine as soon as I arrived, and that was an experience I woulda been fine never owning.”
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He added, “When they finally got to the bottom of it, and informed me I’d joined the luckless ranks of the hivvers – I didn’t say a word. I found a place way out beyond anything that wanted to be looked at, and sent a stare that wouldn’t arrive for a hundred years.”
After experiencing the five stages of grief, Sheen wasn’t expecting to feel a sense of relief now that he had a diagnosis.
“The relief of knowing an entire discipline of high-tech medicine was at my disposal to drive that bastard into submission,” he wrote. “To counterattack the invaders, the doctors loaded their expertise into what seemed like every IV bag in the city.”
“The pricey meds couldn’t kill that f–ker, but they could keep it from killing my spirit.”
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Sheen’s mother was by his side the “entire time at the hospital,” in addition to his friend Steph M. On the fifth day after his diagnosis, Steph took Charlie out for a drive down Sunset Boulevard, where Sheen first felt a sense of comfort.
“The sun felt brighter as I caught my reflection in the car window next to me, and that’s when I saw myself finally smile,” he wrote. “Leaving the burger joint heading back to Cedars, we passed my favorite ’90s club, On the Rox. As I time-traveled back inside her thrilling cocoon with Bing, Heidi, and my twentysomething self, he was smiling too – but the one in the car was more peaceful.”
The “Two and a Half Men” star added, “I think about it once a day for twenty seconds because I have to, that’s the time it takes to eat the poison that tames the evil stowaway.”
Sheen recalled the drug-fueled evenings with the “untouchables” in Hollywood which he had become accustomed to, where he partied with David Bowie, Madonna and Jack Nicholson. He noted that the late comedian Sam Kinison had “the best cocaine in town, you just had to get to him before he did it all by himself.”
“When I wasn’t comparing handguns in the Spago bathroom with rock stars, I was front row at the Lakers and dating one of their cheerleaders: a ponytailed blonde named Suzie with a heart as golden as the team colors on her miniskirt,” Sheen wrote.
While he was known for his past substance abuse issues and wild parties with women, the “Platoon” actor revealed in his upcoming Netflix documentary that he “flipped the menu over” and began pursuing romantic relationships with men.
In the documentary, Sheen admitted it was “liberating” to “just talk about stuff,” he said, per People. “It’s like a train didn’t come through the side of the restaurant. A f—ing piano didn’t fall out of the sky. No one ran into the room and shot me.”
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The sexual encounters with men only began after he started smoking crack.
“That’s where it was born or sparked. And in whatever chunks of time that I was off the pipe, trying to navigate that, trying to come to terms with it – ‘Where did that come from? Why did that happen?’ – and then just finally being like, ‘So what?’ So what? Some of it was weird. A lot of it was f—ing fun, and life goes on.”
Sheen chose to go cold turkey from alcohol in 2017 after he wasn’t able to drive his daughter to a morning doctor’s appointment. At the time, he had already quit doing drugs.
The documentary, which debuts on Sept. 10, features prominent people in Sheen’s life, including ex-wives Denise Richards and Brooke Mueller, and “Two and a Half Men” creator Chuck Lorre and his former co-star Jon Cryer.
Sheen and Richards tied the knot in 2002 and welcomed daughter Sami in 2004. Prior to the birth of Lola in 2005, Richards filed for divorce from the actor. Two years after filing for divorce, Richards and Sheen were deemed legally able to marry other people, but the divorce wasn’t finalized, according to People.
Fast-forward to 2016, Richards sued Sheen for $1.2 million for allegedly not providing financial support to their daughters. Sheen allegedly evicted Richards from a house he provided her and their two children.
In 2021, a court ruled that Sheen was required to pay Richards “zero dollars per month” in child support, starting from Aug. 1, 2018, People reported.
Mueller and Sheen were married for three years before divorcing in 2011. A judge granted Sheen full custody of their twin sons if Mueller failed a drug or alcohol test. The two share joint custody, although the twins primarily live with Sheen.
Sheen’s memoir, “The Book of Sheen,” will be released Sept. 9, and his documentary, “aka Charlie Sheen,” will begin streaming on Netflix Sept. 10.
